A Freelancer Parody

    MUST HAVE MORE NOW OR ELSE I WILL GO CRAZY 007

    If you only learn one thing in Freelancer, let it be this, do not piss off someone who is much better, or has a much higher level than you.

    Chapter 7 has FINALLY been started! Sorry about the long wait, I had to do my exams, and then had to get my computer repaired, and I´ve also been busy with some other things. Trent: Yeah, really important things, like playing Starcr-*Hit with a taser and falls to the ground unconscious* Umm...i have absolutely no idea what he´s talking about, and...*Runs* Do a barrel roll!

    (In bomb shelter) Yes, I’ve finally finished Chapter 7! Trent: Took you long enough! Nomad 1: BoiNG! zOoM! Now wE caN GEt rId OF tHe MoB! DiNg dInG! No more sugar for you, ever! Everyone: I second that. (Puts the chapter in a cannon) Trent: What’s that? It’s how I get it to the mob so I don’t have to go out there. (Pulls down a microphone and a TV screen) Hey Mob, look, I’ve got a treat for you! You want it, huh, you want it? (Hits a button that launches the chapter out) Go get it! Random Mob Guy 1: Look up in the sky! RMG 2: It’s a bird! RMG 3: It’s a plane! RMG 4: It’s…CHAPTER 7! The chapter landed right in the middle of the mob. Naturally, a big fight ensued over who was going to keep it. (Much later) Tobias: D’oh, we’re out of popcorn! Hey, are there any copies of War and Peace around here? (The fight suddenly ends. The mobsters are all severely injured and being carried off in ambulances) Tobias: Never mind. (Later) Mob: Hey, we’re back! Where is the chapter? Is it safe? Juni: (Gets an evil grin, causing everyone to step back) What? Juni: (Whispers something in my ear) (Mr. Burns voice) Eeexcelent. Mob: WELL?! Oh, it seems that in your anger, you destroyed the only copy. Mob: What? It can’t be! We saw it! I think you can guess what happened next. If you can’t, then remember the scene with Darth Vader in Revenge of the Sith. If you haven’t seen it, then go see it now before I sic Nomad 1 on you. But anyway, all windows within 200 miles spontaneously exploded and several rock concerts on Mars were canceled. Actually, I do have another copy. Can’t you take a joke? (Shoots another copy out) Now let’s start the actual story! <b>Chapter 7: Attack of the (Arnold Schwarzenegger) Clones </b> Yet again, the chapter started with Trent landing on a planet in a new ship. He hadn’t had any trouble with getting there, since the pirates were all paralyzed with laughter at his ugly ship, allowing him enough time to get away. He then met Juni in the bar (Why is it that Juni always meets you in bars, anyway?) and talked with some guy called Vance and got some information on how to find Dr. Quintaine. Juni: Trent, I need your help with this. Are you up for it? Trent: No, I’m back in Bretonia now, so I don’t have to help anymore! Juni: (Instantly turns very scary) DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO FIND THIS GUY?! Trent: Eep, OK, I’ll help you! Juni: (Instantly turns back to normal) Thank you. We’ll have to leave right now. Trent: To the Fishmobile! Juni: What the heck is that? Trent: My ship, it’s right over there. (points to it) IN SPACE Trent: Where do we have to go? And stop laughing at me! Juni: To...HAHAHAHA…Planet Sprague in…HAHAHAHA…Omega-3…HAHAHAHAHA!! Let’s take the…HAHAHA…tradelane. Battleship Norfolk: Be advised, tensions between Bretonia and Rheinland have escalated and OMG WHAT IS THAT THING YOU’RE IN? Trent then somehow heard laughter coming from the battleship, even though there is no air in space. Later, it would be discovered that sound over 150 dB is capable of traveling in a vacuum. Also, the entire crew of the Norfolk was later found floating around in space due to all the windows shattering simultaneously. OMEGA-3 Freeport 1: Rheinland has set up blockades in Omega-7, so you’ll have to stay here until the crisis is over. Juni: We’re heading to Sprague, not to Rheinland. Freeport 1: OK, but Sprague is beyond our patrol routes, so we won’t be able to help you if you’re attacked. Trent: Hey, since when do the Zoners help people who are attacked? They’re neutral with everyone! Suddenly, a wormhole opened and dropped a very confused Dr. Sinclair in her freighter right in front of them. Sinclair: OK, what in the name of Lfba’vzjnxklgadsfg just happened? Juni: I think a wormhole just opened and sucked you in. Trent: That wasn’t a wormhole, that was a plot hole! Sinclair: … Juni: Well, let’s find somewhere to hide out. The Rheinlanders are probably looking for us. Sinclair: We can go to Baxter Research Station. I don’t think they’ll find us there. Juni: Hey, why do you trust us? You don’t even know our names! Of course, this caused another plot hole to appear and they were sent nearer to Baxter Research Station. Then they heard 3 voices talking which sounded like Clone Arnolds. More precisely, one was singing and the other two were screaming. Clone 1: 99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer! Clone 2: (Flying around erratically) AGHHHHHHH! PLEASE GOD MAKE IT STOP!!! Clone 1: What, you don’t like that song? Clone 3: NO!!! Clone 1: OK, then let’s have a screeching competition! I’ll go first. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Clone 2: (Notices Trent) Hey, you there in the ugly ship! Trent: -_- What? Clone 2: We’ve been trapped with this guy for 2 days now. Please kill him and we’ll help you. Trent: But I can’t even see him. Clone 2: Oh yeah, he´s cloaked. I’ll shoot him with an EMP missile and you shoot him when he’s visible. Clone 1: You go next, Clone 841. Clone 2 (who we also know as clone 841) DIIIIIIIIIE! (Shoots a Neutralizer Missile) Clone 1: Hey, that’s pretty good! Wait, did you just shoot me? Trent: (Shoots Clone 1) Clone 1: Eep! (Flies off) Clone 3: HALLELUJAH! Clone 2: PARTY! PARTY! Clone 3: Since you got rid of him, we’ll help you for the rest of this mission. But you’re not supposed to show up until they get to Cambridge. Clone 3: Fine then, we’ll just come back later. BAXTER RESEARCH STATION Sinclair: So why were you looking for me? Trent: We thought you’d know where Dr. Quintaine is. He’s disappeared and we need to find him so he can identify this alien artifact. Sinclair: Did you just say Quintaine? Trent: Yes, why- Sinclair: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! I MISS MY QUINTIE-POO!! Trent: O_o Sinclair: PLEASE, PLEASE HELP ME FIND HIM! Trent: Well that’s what we’re trying to do, so we are helping you! Sinclair: (Suddenly very calm) Oh, thanks. Trent: Am I the only sane one here? Juni: Don’t worry, we can soon change that. Sinclair: Hey, look outside. Trent: What? Sinclair: It’s a view like this that got me into archaeology in the first place. I wondered what a more ancient race must have thought of what life, the universe, and everything were about. So I decided to study the Dom K’vosh, a race that came 10 million years before mankind. And then… 2 HOURS LATER Sinclair: …And that’s everything that happened in my life up until now. Any questions? Trent: *Snore* Juni: Hey, the Rheinlanders have found us, and the station is exploding around us! There’s only one thing to do now…Go to the equipment dealer! So after buying some new equipment and ammo and talking to everyone in the bar, Trent, Juni, and Sinclair launched into space. Of course, as soon as they launched, the station exploded instantly. They were about to engage the Rheinlanders when the two clones from earlier, which are Clones 841 and 9320, flew up and told them what happened. The rest of the clones were too busy singing “Ding-Dong the Witch is Dead” to notice Trent, Juni, and Sinclair escaping. Then they jumped into Cambridge and met the two clones. Clone 9320: There’s a jumphole to Leeds near here. It’s not guarded well, though. We’ll cloak and give them a little surprise. Battleship Wotan: Trent, Commander Zane, hand over the artifact and we will spare your lives. Clones: (Launch torpedoes) Wotan: It’s a trap! We’ve been sucked into the Cutscene Zone! Incoming torpedoes! ABANDON SHIP! (Blows up) Clone 841: We have to destroy the fighters! Trent: Okley doakley! PLANET LEEDS Juni: Let’s meet in the equipment dealer. Trent: Not in the bar? Juni: No. Trent: Are you serious? Juni: Yes, we’re meeting at the equipment dealer. Trent: (Holds up a cross) I cast you out! THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU! Juni: Maybe this is why I don’t do this more often! Trent: Oh. EQUIPMENT DEALER Trent: Tobias, we need a safe place to lay low for a while. Tobias: (Staring at Juni) Trent: I really wouldn’t do that. She’s insane, you know. Juni: Trent, this is going to take some time. I suggest you find some work. (Notices Tobias is staring at her) What? Tobias: I don’t remember when I ever saw such a vision of loveliness. An ambulance was later seen leaving Tobias’s shop. ENDE CHAPTERE SEVENE Trent: Hey, did you notice the name of the chapter doesn’t follow your theme, Of ___ and ___? Wow, I never noticed that! You’ve made a major scientific breakthrough! Trent: Thanks! That was sarcasm, Trent. You should stop hanging around with Rogues; stupidity can be contagious, you know. Rogue: Hey, are you insulting us? Mob: (Start setting up catapults and battering rams) Wait, what are you doing? Mob: You took way too long to make that chapter. We’re taking you hostage! Crap! (Teleports back into the bomb shelter) Trent: What’s going on? We’re under attack! Cut the bridges! To arms! To arms! Do a barrel roll! Edited by - Starman Omega on 6/22/2005 3:13:40 PM

    Lol <img src=smilies/icon_smile.gif width=15 height=15 border=0 align=middle> good to finally see another update here When the bus driver gets off the bus, who closes the doors behind him?

    AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH did i win? Edited by - {SSF}The Shroud{****} on 6/27/2005 4:57:34 PM

    Stop it, my brain hurts. Keep it up. Some people are like slinkies. They don´t do anything, but you can´t help but smile as they tumble down the stairs.

    or the original idea, a flash movie. No, ive got it... MACHINMA!!! Machinma FL. with everything like this! Good work Omega, keep it up! im having trouble keeping my sides from splitting with laughter!!

    ---- Call me Arania Humans Fear what they do not understand. And i doubt you understand me. Never say `Eat Me` to a giant snake. Bad idea, believe me...

    I don´t know if I can wait another day. EEEEEK! Some people are like slinkies. They don´t do anything, but you can´t help but smile as they tumble down the stairs.

    I do to! It´s just highly dependent on... I forget. Come on Starman, it´s been 19 days now. We want a new chapter!!!! Edited by - chupa on 7/11/2005 11:31:00 AM