Help....

LOL, one of the few high points in &quot;The Meaning of Life&quot;. That and Graham Chapman going on about how as a Protestant he can put &quot;anything I want on my John Henry!&quot; Anyway, back to the subject at hand. No magic, just be yourself. If the girl doesn´t like that, it wasn´t meant to be anyway. First date, try to double or go with a group of friends. Takes lots of pressure off. Just make sure you pay attention to the girl your with and not go rambling off with friends. Double date probably the best. This way you avoid those agonizing silent periods. <img src=´http://www.ukobservers.net/cwm/otn/blobs/0000007.gif ´>

No, no, no... this is how you do it: 1. you ask her if she likes AC/DC, since she is almost bound to say no you reply her no with a &quot;So, what´cha like then?&quot; the conversation kinda rolls on from there.. 2. You ask her out to a feminist movie, that always works, try not to fall asleep during the movie, just in case take a thermos of coffe and drink before you enter. 3. The homecoming: this is the hard part, should you kiss her or not? that is a personal choise, I don´t but it depends, like I said, on the guy. Spear Pilot 1:st Combat Fighter Squadron Ber-Sheeba AB Israel

ahh the kissing bit... very easy, once ur at her door say something along the lines of &quot;I had alot of fun tonight we should do it again sometime&quot; (obvously dont say this if some traumatising event happened on your date such as watching a family of ducks get wiped out by a lorry as they cross the road) , pause for a couple of seconds and look her in the eyes, here is where u choose. dive right in and go for a kiss or wait say something like &quot;well, night then&quot; and see if she looks expectant or not (her turning round and going for teh key at this point is BAD. if she still stands there and u have no idea if she wants you to kiss her or not then settle for a peck on the cheek. there will always be another date.

Nah, If someone goes with the &quot;AC/DC,&quot; she´ll most likely say: What´s that? or something like that. What would they say to that? and could someone recap what scup said, only in english; NOT L337. And, I have to tell my brother to get a harcut. (Literrally, it goes past his ears!) Why make your own mistakes when someone else has already made them for you? -Learn from the skeletons floating in the pirahna pool: NO SWIMMING! <A href=´http://www.nukevillage.com´ Target=_Blank>Moderator for NukeVillage.</a>

...before we STAMPEED towards the clitorous... heh. Being a well known ladies man(RIIIIIIIIGHT), here´s what you do. 1. Find out what she´s doing Friday night, and sabotage it. Make sure you´re around when her well laid plans go awry, so you can immediately step in and say &quot;Well, looks like thats out... wanna go club baby seals?&quot; She´ll no doubt say yes, as chicks love clubbing baby seals. 2. Give her a bum club that will surely break after a couple swings. When it breaks, drop your pants and say &quot;I have a extra club for ya.&quot; 3. As she nervously approaches you, bash her head with the bloody baby seal beating club, and take her to a mock hospital. When she comes to, if she has amnesia, GREAT! If not, repeat clubbings as necessary, or as long as it remains entertaining. 4. Have a &quot;doctor&quot; at your mock hospital convince her that (what with the amnesia) she is your fiercy devoted wife, due to you saving her from a pack of rampaging baby seals. 5. Bash her head again, but not so much as to induce amnesia again... otherwise you have to start all over. Once she´s knocked out, take her from the mock hospital to a motel. When she wakes up at the motel, tell her she was mugged, but you beat the crap out of the guy and turned him in to the police, where it turned out he was wanted for crimes in a far off country, and was of course... what´s the word? eh... assassinated... why not. 6. Make some sweet sweet loving. 7. Her memory is bound to return, so you can either maintain the charade... beating her into amnesia every so often, or just tell her what you did. She´ll be impressed by both your ingenuity and honesty, and be yours forever. Oh, and NOW pull your pants back up. You didn´t pull them up right after you clubbed her the first time did you? See, that´s what we call a rookie mistake. Keeping your pants down for this entire adventure will keep her off balance. If she asks about it, just say you can´t talk about it by order of the Queen. Or you could do the obvious thing... just ask her, be nice to her, don´t grope her, don´t go further than a cheek kiss at the end NO MATTER WHAT (even if she´s ready, save it and it´ll drive her nuts)... you have to feel out if thats appropriate or not... no real 100% indications... aside from if she says &quot;Do me you stallion.&quot;.... then definately go for the cheek kiss. Open doors for her and whatnot, but do it casually... like it´s no big deal. Otherwise she´ll know you´re full of it and wouldn´t open the door for her if you weren´t looking for sumpin´. If it annoys her that you opened a door for her, she´s a stupid B and needs to relax... try the clubbing approach immediately. Don´t make fun of her clothes. Oh yeah... MAKE SURE YOU KNOW THE COLOR OF HER EYES... make immediate note... a often neglected detail. See, the trick to asking a girl out is that there is no trick... you just do it. He´s only asking really due to the fear involved... most if not everyone goes through it, but it´s just one of those things you just go and DO. It´s not a magic trick... it´s a question. A important question, but just a question none the less. If you do try the clubbing approach, let me know how it went... it´s sorta a work in progress, and I could always use more info. Disclaimer: This is a damn joke. If you´re offended, I recommend clubbing me over the head with a baby seal, or perhaps simply not associating with me. BUT I must say... I am one WILD AND CRAZY GUY!!!! Yeah, it´s overloaded... I didn´t spend all that time to make a piece of crap!

Deviant is right on the button here! The man knows how to romance, I say! <img src=smilies/icon_smile_big.gif width=15 height=15 border=0 align=middle> Now, a few more pointers. Make sure you let her know many times over about how attractive her sister is, and how much you´d really rather play sheet sandwich with the sister than the date. Also, if she doesn´t finish her plate at dinner, make sure you grab any fat and gristle from her plate without asking. This avoids the embarrassment of having the waiter ask why she didn´t eat the fat. Find out in advance what her best friend´s favorite perfume and lipstick shade are. Wear that perfume, and slop a bit of the lipstick on your face and neck. This will make her think you´re a &quot;hot commodity&quot; and win her right over. When she takes off her sweater, make sure you compliment how talented her plastic surgeon is, and that you like her fake boobs much better than real ones ever could be. Women love to be complimented and notice about cosmetic surgery. Ask her if she´s ever &quot;done it&quot; on a Harley. If she says yes, go &quot;VROOM VROOM&quot; all through the date. Women love to have fresh breath. Make sure you have lots of mints and give her several saying &quot;I was thinking of you when I bought these.&quot; Women are very impressed when men are attentive to clothing. Make sure you notice what each attractive women is wearing and say often &quot;Damn, I wish you were wearing that!&quot; One word: Nosering! Women are very proud of their earning power these days. Make sure you give her the check for dinner. Women don´t like men who like women´s movies. Jean Claude Van Damm works best. Women always ask &quot;do I look fat?&quot; Answer by complimenting her mother´s incredible cooking. Women love honesty. When she asks &quot;Am I the prettiest girl here tonight?&quot; Reply, &quot;NO WAY, that chick in the tight black jumpsuit puts you to shame!&quot; She´ll respect you in the morning for that. And finally, women love to let the world know that a man is attracted to her. Make sure that when she asks &quot;if you want to come upstairs&quot; that you decline and make love to her in public. (from &quot;Boscoe´s Dating for Dummies, Vol III) available in paperback at Waldenbooks and pr0n shops everywhere! <img src=smilies/icon_smile_big.gif width=15 height=15 border=0 align=middle> <img src=´http://www.ukobservers.net/cwm/otn/blobs/0000007.gif ´>

ROTFLMAO!!! Classic Deviant and Bos, classic! -------------------------- <img src=´http://62.96.227.94/ubb/lsvader.gif ´> Do not be to proud of this technilogical terror you have posted. The ability to flame an entire post is insignifigant next to the power of the Administrator.

ROTFLMAO! Dev, you definitely live up to your name! Bos, send a copy to me, will ya? All three volumes. *Dulce et decorum est pro patria mon* &quot;You may fly over a land forever, you may bomb it, atomise it, pulverise it and wipe it clean of life - but if you desire to defend it, protect it, and keep it for civilisation you must do this on the ground, the way the Roman legions did, by putting your young men into the mud.&quot; -T.R. Ferenbach

There are two minds with a knack for intense imagination. Hard to top it, not sure it would be possible or even worth. Well done! Rob &quot;Stinger&quot; Lordier Moderator/Comp Tech <A href=´http://www.lancersreactor.org/t/´ Target=_Blank> Lancers Reactor </a> Creator <A href=´http://gamesdomain.telepac.pt/games/private.html´ Target=_Blank> Privateer FAQ </a> Competition doesn´t create character, it <b> REVEALS </b> it! <img src=´http://www.phoenix0.com/phpBB/…/smiles/icon_rolleyes.gif ´>

ROFL!! Ill be sure to give em all a try sometime soon. <img src=smilies/icon_smile_tongue.gif width=15 height=15 border=0 align=middle> <img src=´http://www.lancersreactor.org/images/news/barkeeper.gif ´>- A Message From Your Friendly Neighbourhood ElectricBrain

Every Sperm is scared every sperm is...oh we´ve gone past the meaning of life then....awell never mind. Oh and Whasp dont tell your bro to get a h/c. Its up to him to get one and how he looks. Just leave it. As for women...be yourself, be kind and as Ben Stiller once said &quot;I´ve being going out with a loaded gun&quot; I think we all saw that movie. Chicks (for americans) dig men who are like women and when you do as BS says then you will least likely want to get it on with her, and thats what women want!

Anybody seen that movie, What Women Want? I wish i had powers like that. Knowing what women want is like a gift. <img src=´http://www.lancersreactor.org/images/news/barkeeper.gif ´>- A Message From Your Friendly Neighbourhood ElectricBrain

No, you don´t want that, EB. You don´t have sufficient RAM to cope with what they want. *Dulce et decorum est pro patria mon* &quot;You may fly over a land forever, you may bomb it, atomise it, pulverise it and wipe it clean of life - but if you desire to defend it, protect it, and keep it for civilisation you must do this on the ground, the way the Roman legions did, by putting your young men into the mud.&quot; -T.R. Ferenbach

You´re making fun of it know but if you have got her in the bed she´ll laugh at you. In one word: Pay respect (oke that´s two) I can tell this from my own experience. ---------------- Freedom leeds to eternal vigilance -Thomas Jefferson

is this helping Water Cloisette (WC) with his mission? Spear - Tha man wit tha pointy thingie